My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize