I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
