I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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