I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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