I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
