Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
