My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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