Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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