god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
