Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
