I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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