One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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