it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
