Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
