my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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