Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
