I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
