If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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