that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want nice things and good sex
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
where are my eyebrows?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
