don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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