oh god the rape fog is back!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
smell my finger.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
