So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
