Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
