Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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