I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
