I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
