his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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