Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
