It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
