I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
