Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
