Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
