it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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