Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
