I cut my penus on the lid.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
