Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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