I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
