Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
