Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
