peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
