I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
