Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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