he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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