WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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