The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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