Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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