Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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