he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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