They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
