fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
