No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
