how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
