Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
