I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
