Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
