i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
