That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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