strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
