life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
