Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize