hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize