It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
