i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
