please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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