i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
