Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
