I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sext me about skeletons
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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