i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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