i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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