I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
