I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
